Nobody knows this more than people involved in mental health, who both deal with clients expressing this emotion and experience it themselves. According to the American Psychological Association, loneliness is defined as the cognitive discomfort or uneasiness of being or perceiving oneself to be alone — or the feeling of a discrepancy between an individual’s desired and actual social relationships. Loneliness is a state of mind; it’s not the same thing as being alone. “You can often differentiate between the two by asking yourself if you are bothered by having no one around, or by the quality of social connection you have with the people who do surround you,” says Jeremy Nobel, MD, MPH, a lecturer on global health and social medicine at Harvard Medical School and the president of the Foundation for Art & Healing, a Brookline, Massachusetts–based nonprofit that promotes art as a vehicle for health and happiness. The good news, psychologists say, is that there are many tools anyone can reach for to stave off that unwanted feeling or allow it to pass quickly, rather than wallow in it. Of course, some of these tools have been limited during the past year or so because of the COVID-19 pandemic, but others were not. A review of interventions for loneliness published in PLoS One in February 2021 found that 12 interventions could still safely be done under social distancing guidelines — including using video and phones and being with animals — although some two dozen others required physical contact and could not. Now that many of us are socializing more, it’s tempting to think we’ll never feel lonely again. But experts say loneliness strikes nearly everyone at least once in a while. That’s why we asked mental health experts to share some of the techniques they personally use when they feel the loneliness bug starting to bite them. Here are their tips. RELATED: Top Self-Care Tips for Taking Care of You During the Coronavirus Pandemic
1. Get Out in Nature
Involvement in a community garden in her neighborhood makes a huge difference to Judith Gulko, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Coral Springs, Florida. “Being in a beautiful natural oasis is really helpful for feeling grounded and for my spirit. Even during the pandemic, I could go there and see the greenery and vegetables and even other people while maintaining a safe distance,” she says. Nature, whether it’s a huge forest or a single tree, is known to help us feel calm and connected to something beyond ourselves, which banishes feelings of loneliness. When researchers measured stress-hormone levels of people in nature or at an indoor gym, those in natural environments had much lower stress levels, as reported in May 2018 in Behavioral Sciences. RELATED: Why Time Off Is So Good for Your Health Part of the plan: make herself useful. “For years I have been an advocate for trauma and abuse survivors, so in addition to providing teletherapy to my clients I also formed and co-facilitated workshops, webinars, and Instagram Live events on the topic. Being able to reach other people who have been struggling with isolation gives me a sense of purpose,” she says. RELATED: Protecting Our Mental Health While We Ride Out the Pandemic
3. Make Time for the Arts
Dr. Nobel is a lecturer on global health and social medicine at Harvard Medical School and the Foundation for Art & Healing promotes art as a vehicle for health and happiness with a program it calls the UnLonely Project. Not surprisingly, Nobel himself turns to making art to reduce his own loneliness. “During the pandemic, I made space for the arts as a purposeful activity, because the creative intentionality offers tangible benefits,” he says. He focused on poetry and music. “I love both making and reading poems,” he says, noting that when you’re reading the work of another you feel like they’re right there with you. Nobel found himself experiencing music more intensely, likely because it wasn’t competing with his need to catch the next flight or have a meeting as it usually would, he says. “Listening to music became a time for reflection, memory, imagining, and feeling surprisingly connected, even when I was physically alone,” he says.
4. Reach Out for No Reason
It’s easy to get caught in the belief that you need a reason to call or text someone, but Nobel says anything can be the seed for a connection. And the more you reach out to loved ones you’re not physically near, the more you’ll hear back. “I often take photos on my phone of things that capture my attention and send them to friends as a way to share the moment and get a conversation started,” he says, likening it to a more personal version of an Instagram post. “The electronic devices we carry with us can be tools of connection, especially when used intentionally as a way to share moments and your experience of them authentically and in real time,” he says. RELATED: Why Friendships Are So Important for Health and Well-Being
5. Remind Yourself That It’s Temporary
All of us go through periods when we feel alone, but it helps to remember that these moments are usually fleeting, Botwin advises. “Sometimes when I miss hugging my friends or spending time socially with people I love, I picture the moment when we will reunite. That reminds me that the circumstances are temporary and that people I value have not left my life,” she says.
