But I take solace in the fact that most emotional issues have a name; in other words, the problem is not “all in my head.” For example, when I say I have anxiety, the experts say I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). When I tell my primary care doctor or neurologist that I find funny things sad and sad things funny and experience uncontrollable crying or laughing, they tell me I may have pseudobulbar affect (PBA).
GAD and PBA Were ‘Hijacking’ My Brain
If you ask me, I think I have a touch of both PBA and GAD, manifested differently on different days. It took a while and some embarrassment to even know all this was happening. PBA showed up in my life over the past few years, although I wonder if I have had it, along with GAD, for longer than I realize. Whatever the case, both issues were “hijacking” my brain without my consent. I even tried Nuedexta (dextromethorphan and quinidine) for PBA, a drug approved specifically for the involuntary outbursts of crying or laughing experienced by many folks with various neurological conditions, but its side effects caused me to stop taking it. I know myself, and I am not one to religiously meditate or lay quietly for long. Therefore, I never relaxed enough in a given day. I was just looking for a medication that would relax my emotions and stop the unnecessary self-talk that continued its anxiety-inducing chatter throughout the day. Zoloft is in a class of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) that work by boosting levels of a natural substance called serotonin in the brain. I was intrigued, but also found it strange that an antidepressant drug would have a positive effect on something as complicated as PBA. But I found that Zoloft is also approved to treat social anxiety disorder, and it and other antidepressants are commonly used off-label to treat PBA.
What Happened When I Tried Zoloft
When I started taking Zoloft myself, I immediately felt its positive effects. Right away, I realized that unnecessary mind chatter was no longer a distraction. For example, in the past, I had trouble being present in the moment and listening to what someone was telling me or asking me. Instead, distracting thoughts, either about the person themselves or about something in the environment would cause me to start giggling or engaging in other inappropriate behavior. But with Zoloft, I started feeling relaxed, focused, and participatory in whatever conversation I was part of. In other words, I felt more normal, without constant, irrelevant mind chatter. And there was more: I also seem to have found my sense of self. For example, I am now able to maintain a more relaxed demeanor with a certain individual who always made me anxious before. And I don’t seem to be prethinking a situation before it happens, the way I was before. On Zoloft, I am now comfortably “going with the flow.” This was evident during a recent medical appointment. It was time for my annual physical, which always makes me nervous. But this year, I was not nervous — and I should have been, given my deteriorating mobility and feelings of insecurity. But instead, I felt grounded.
I Feel Like My ‘Old Self’ Again
I like medications that work quietly in the background and don’t surprise me. I take a 50-milligram pill after breakfast and let my day unfold. I need to mention that there is another factor helping me achieve a more relaxed state: the use of a small manual wheelchair, which cuts my stress level in more than half. My arms are doing the walking, eliminating the hardships involved in walking with compromised legs. This has also reduced my feelings of insecurity. So now my emotions are back on track, along with my sense of self, and I feel more relaxed about life. Actually I feel much more like my “old” self emotionally. I see Zoloft as a wonderful tool that allowed me to finally get to this point and back to myself.
