Over the course of the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us trained our brain to perceive others — even close friends and family — as possible deadly threats, says Leo Flanagan, PhD, a Stamford, Connecticut–based psychologist and the author of Thriving in Thin Air: Developing Resilience in Challenging Times. “Your brain rewired itself to trigger anxiety whenever you come close to another human being. That makes it very difficult to switch back to greeting someone comfortably and cheerfully,” he explains. On top of that, we’re still up against changing safety recommendations and the rising threat of COVID-19 variants. There’s still uncertainty about what’s safe and what’s not, and Dr. Flanagan says that puts us into a kind of limbo that continues to exhaust our brains when it comes to threatening versus at-ease perceptions of others. RELATED: Breakthrough COVID-19: What’s the Real Risk? Simply put, getting back into a prepandemic social mode may feel not-so-normal because unwiring the pandemic-appropriate stress response in the brain may take some time. And if you tend to be an introvert to begin with, you may find the task of getting back to more carefree socializing even more challenging. Given the challenges that come with socializing again in a partially vaccinated world, here are some tips for feeling less awkward about getting out of your sweats and back into the (nonvirtual) world. “The reality is that we are all creatures of comfort and familiarity, and through the pandemic, we became more familiar with social isolation,” she says. Spending more time alone may feel like your normal now, and that’s okay. Start socializing in small groups and then gradually work your way up to bigger crowds, she suggests. Start with coffee dates with one or two friends rather than a crowded, hours-long dinner, for example. RELATED: How to Practice Self-Care in a Partially Vaccinated World
2. Make a Plan and Stick to It
Take a moment to think about what kind of social schedule would really work best for you. One night a week? One night every other week? Figure it out and try that as a starting point, and stick to it until you’re ready for more, Dr. Yip suggests. Having a plan can often reduce the anxiety of saying yes to last-minute invitations or trying to figure out how much you can juggle.
3. Embrace New Boundaries
For some people, especially introverts, the pandemic was a boon, allowing for unapologetic alone time, says Joshua Coleman, PhD, a San Francisco–based psychologist and a senior fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families. A study of college students published in the March 2021 issue of PLoS One found that overall mood and wellness declined during the pandemic, but for those who identified as more introverted, mood actually increased slightly. Many who tend to be more introverted can feel ashamed of their inclination to be less social or outgoing, especially in our highly competitive, workaholic society, Dr. Coleman says. “The pandemic has protected them from these subtle, but sometimes overt, sources of shame.” If you can relate, rather than jumping back into what you think you should be doing, take time to consider how you really feel about socializing, Coleman suggests. Embrace boundaries that feel comfortable and appropriate for you. Wherever you land, that’s the right answer, because it’s your answer, he says. “Don’t allow others to shame you over your introversion by calling you a homebody or boring.” RELATED: Vaccinated Against COVID-19 but Still Anxious? You’re Not Alone
4. Name How You’re Feeling
Another way to decrease awkwardness is to identify those feelings and what’s causing them, suggests Georgie Nightingall, the founder of Trigger Conversations, a London-based organization that leads events focused on educating people about how to communicate and have better conversations. “Whenever I feel uncomfortable or out of practice, what often helps me regain my confidence is just to name how I’m feeling,” says Nightingall. “For example: ‘Wow, this conversation thing feels pretty weird,’ or ‘I’ve been waiting for this moment and now I have no idea what to say.’” Awkwardness often shows up when we’re not sure what to do, she says — a definition that probably covers a breadth of pandemic experience. Acknowledging awkwardness without judgment can be a powerful way to get past the feeling. “It calms our system down and invites us to understand why we feel what we feel and perhaps to shift our behavior and try something different,” Nightingall says.
5. Rethink Prepandemic Obligations
Recognize what wasn’t working for you in prepandemic days, Coleman says. Maybe you hated those obligatory Thursday night happy hours with colleagues, or had to talk yourself into Sunday brunches with the same group of friends. If you felt relief when they ended, that’s a major sign that you should rethink whether you want to jump right back into those social routines when and if they start again. “Use the lessons you’ve learned about yourself during the pandemic to be more assertive about limiting the time you spend doing obligatory socializing,” he says.
6. Prep to Have Better Conversations
Are you dreading small talk? Skip bland questions like “How are you?” Nightingall recommends. Instead, pivot to a query like, “What are you most looking forward to, now that things are opening up?” When you’re the one answering a question, give yourself permission to respond authentically and share a story that invites others to be curious, she says. For example, talk about what you’re feeling excited about, or share a fun experience you had recently. “Invite people into conversations softly that way, rather than making it all questions and answers.”
7. Embrace the Awkwardness
Depending on who you’re with, you may want to share how you’re feeling with your conversation partner out loud, Nightingall adds. Chances are, they may be feeling the same, and this can be a major icebreaker moment. “That can help us ease back into socializing and the purpose of conversation, which is about staying curious, about others but also about ourselves,” she says.
