The acclaimed minimalist and author of the 2014 bestseller The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing has resurfaced to change more lives in her Netflix debut. Over the eight episodes of her new show, Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, which came online New Year’s Day, Kondo travels near and far to declutter the homes of various Americans using her tried-and-true KonMari method, an organizing tactic that challenges us to keep only items that “spark joy.” In one episode, Kondo teaches a couple who are expecting a child how to store their new baby items. In another, she helps empty nesters say goodbye to three generations of possessions, including Christmas nutcrackers that covered an entire pool table and then some. The end result? Despite the hard work, family members were incredibly thankful to be able to finally be clutter-free. And perhaps even more importantly, they were thrilled to welcome a new system that would allow them to continue living in a tidy home.
Okay, Hold On: Does the Marie Kondo Method Actually Work?
If you’ve been anywhere near social media, you’ve probably seen the Kondo-izing craze inspired by the show. But having Kondo cracking her gentle organizing whip while cameras are filming you, and knowing millions will be watching, is probably the biggest motivator one can have. So how have folks fared when they faced their clutter without any of these added benefits? According to many, there might just be something magical about Kondo’s method after all. Jessica Lahey, a mom of 2, teacher, and author of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed, admitted she “scoffed” at Kondo’s book when it first came out. But once she gave the method a try, she found that what’s left in her closet makes her truly happy. “Any future purchases will be held to that high standard of joy,” she says. Meanwhhile, Christa Rapoport, a mother and insurance consultant, initially found the process “frustrating because the suggestion to pile, sort, fold, and thank each discarded item seemed daunting.” But after tackling her cutlery drawers, laundry area, and her son’s room, she found that Kondo’s “cleansing organization” fulfilled more in her than the simple satisfaction of finding an item at any given moment. “The show gifted me with a pathway to a new way of being,” she says. Now, after tossing 20 bags of items, she has “committed to incorporating Marie Kondo’s suggestions into [her] life.” Full disclosure: I also used the KonMari method to practice some fall cleaning on my closet (video below), and my experience was much the same. It was easy to throw out ratted T-shirts that for some reason I’d kept since high school. More difficult, though, were the clothes I had kept simply because I felt guilty for never wearing them. But guess what? I’d done the same thing the year before … and the year before that. Sound familiar anyone? And it’s not just me (or families on the show) who’ve experienced this. People from all walks of life are in awe of the KonMari magic — and how it reaches us in places we never expected. RELATED: 9 Ways to Feng Shui Your Space in 2019
Why We Crave Order, But Find Clutter Creeping In Anyway
We’re constantly reminded that cleanliness is crucial: minimalists live it, feng shui masters preach it, studies prove it, mothers tell children to clean up after themselves from the moment they make their first mess. Indeed, according to a study published in June 2016 in Journal of Environmental Psychology, a clean space is key to maintaining positive relationships, reducing stress, and promoting overall well-being. So the question remains: Why does clutter happen, anyway? And what’s more, why is it so hard for us to give up certain seemingly useless objects? Nuna Alberts, a psychotherapist and clinical social worker in New York City, says there are three reasons why a person might hold onto a personal item. The first is called the sunk cost fallacy, when you continue to invest in something that’s failing simply because you’re not willing to admit the money was wasted. “You might buy a jacket that you come to find out you don’t like and never wear, yet you hold on to it because you spent $100,” she says. The second is called scarcity mind-set, or the fear that you don’t have enough, which causes you to stock up on things “just in case.” This rang true for Jessica Wolf, whose unused socks were surprisingly difficult to part with. “You never know when you might need gray polka-dot socks, so I should probably keep those even though I haven’t worn them since the ’90s,” she’d say to herself. “I was undeterred by holes and even my missing socks.” The third, according to Alberts, is loneliness. “One fills up the space in his or her heart with stuff, [which] can also be a compulsive activity with components of addiction and OCD.” But there’s one main ingredient that all of these reasons touch — one which makes even the most tattered nutcracker or most well-loved socks the most difficult to release — and that’s the humanizing bond we create with our items.
How Sentimental Items Become Memories (and Sometimes People)
Our possessions innately become super personal to us, so much so that they start to reflect literal pieces of our being (like Voldemort’s horcruxes). According to R.D. Chin, a feng shui architect in New York City, the reason we can’t bear to throw out that old sweatshirt is because we are emotionally attached to it. “Inanimate objects become so special to us because of our memories, both positive and negative; [they] literally represent a piece of ourselves.” “The concept of ‘letting go’ is very scary for people, [because it means] letting go of our identity or who we are,” Chin says. For Jessica Lahey, it was her clothes that called up past and non-existent “Jessicas.” Hardest to discard were “clothes I would really love to be able to fit into again, or outfits I purchased because they represent some imaginary person I thought I’d be someday,” she says. “It’s been freeing to embrace who I am and let go of those strangers I’ll never be.” While Alberts notes that Kondo’s “joy”-selection method is “harder than it sounds,” this humanizing aspect of items can make it nearly impossible for some. “Suppose you’ve just lost someone,” says Paula Kliger, PhD, a clinical psychologist and the founder of PsychAssets in Birmingham, Michigan. “Depending on when you lost that person, holding onto [their] things may have a lot to do with the whole mourning process.” By keeping their items, “you’re holding onto that joy that the person brought to you. But you’re also holding onto that person, whether [that brings] joy or sorrow.” In fact, clearing their things may not be possible at a given time. “It would not necessarily be something they would begin with or that they’d even be able to think about in terms of letting things go,” Dr. Kliger continues. This may create a small gap in Kondo’s method that fans should be aware of. Coping with the loss of a loved one is wildly complex, and it might take years before a person can even look at a deceased person’s possessions. But potentially equally hard to discard may be the simplest things in our drawers: scrapbooks, T-shirts, notes from loved ones (or exes). Rapoport found that the most difficult items to sort and cull were photos. However, “after watching a section on sentimental items, I am ready to re-tackle [them],” she says. Kondo suggests leaving photos and sentimental items for last, when you’ve mastered other categories. Rapoport said she also found it hard to part with some of her great-grandmother’s doilies and embroidered keepsakes. RELATED: The Best Books to Help You Cope With Loss
How the KonMari Method Tackles Our Sentimentality
In the episodes of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, Kondo asks each household to pull all their clothes out of the closet and stack them on a bed — an exercise she considers crucial to the KonMari method. Why? It allows them to see how many items they own and forces them to engage with each item personally. Chin believes this may be why the KonMari method has achieved such resonance with people. Similar to how one practices feng shui, Kondo “acknowledges the connection of our psychological or emotional (invisible qi energy) to our physical (visible qi energy) material items in our lives,” he says. Her method is a process of fairly simple sounding steps, but we must be ready to accept them. While Wolf has conquered her sock drawer, she has yet to embrace the method in other parts of her home. “I have been unwilling to dump another ‘category’ of things on my bedroom floor and spend time sorting,” she says. “I have tops that I know don’t spark joy but I don’t want to sit in their presence and admit that. I have not entirely made peace with that reluctance.” Similarly, Lahey has also vowed to return to the process when the time is right. Because it takes such time and strength to accomplish, Kondo’s method is so much more than tossing out useless clutter. It’s about facing who you once were in the reflection of who you are today. “While it appears that the process is about stuff, it’s not,” explains Lahey. “Stripping away everything that detracts and distracts us from ourselves and our family is an incredibly freeing and exhilarating experience.” Whether you start with your sock drawer, your closet (like me), or your entire house, it’s that process of “letting go” of our past selves — one that Marie Kondo has revolutionized — that is changing the lives of so many.
